SimCity, British Columbia
Hello everyone,
Today I’d like to complain and slander a city with true and total malice in my heart. I am going after the glorious city of Vancouver, British Columbia. Why, you ask? Well I’ve lived here for a year (and now moving back East) and I’m tired of being nice.
The city of Vancouver is f**ked up!
It is by far the worse city I have ever lived in in terms of physical layout, traffic light systems, roadway design and general atmosphere. The only way I can describe it as a Sim City built on the fly by someone with no engineering background. Vancouver is in fact a large simulation and some cosmic child is working on it right now.
First, I begin with the affected areas as I’ve only been in a few. When I say Vancouver, I mean the downtown area, North and West Vancouver, Burnaby, Surrey, Richmond and New Westminster. Those were the cities I frequented in my time here.
Now my list of complaints;
1. Layout of the streets.
We’ve all played the game. We know when we’re just putting down roads for the sake of putting down roads with no overall plan. There is no rhyme or reason to the layout of the streets here. Save for the downtown area I’d say there is no grid patterns. The streets are basically built around obstacles. If a park is there, wind around the park. I’ve noticed a lot of dead ends which come out of nowhere. They love to cross an 8th Street with an 8th avenue which is so damn confusing.
By all logic a road that travels north should stay north, but somehow physics go out of whack and you soon find yourself travelling south. It’s like that film Children of The Corn, the harder you try to leave, the more you remain in the same area.
There’s only one highway in the entire city and for the most part it’s two lanes either way. Sometimes they have a third lane, but it’s always carpool and I usually drive alone. Congestion is so bad even at 11 am traffic is slow. They have a number of “highways” within the city, but those are simply streets called a highway.
The only roads that could be called highway are the 99 and 91, but since they are on the outskirts of town and are used to leave Vancouver (or go back there) who cares? Once you hit the city the roads become a mess. The only consolation is that the streets themselves are in good shape.
2. Layout of the city.
The city is highly organized in some areas and a haphazard collection of houses or apartment buildings in other parts. A number of the houses have parking in the rear which I just hate. The business district is always about parking on the street (if you can find a spot) or being forced to pay $2.00 for an hour no matter how long you are staying. Occasionally the place of business will have parking in the rear, but the lot will too small and uneven. It’s ridiculous.
I’ve been to a McDonald’s where the parking lot is so small that the line-up for the drive through literally blocks all means of exit for other patrons. It’s as if these franchise/business owners just grab the first piece of land they see and start building. I’ve seen a KFC which is so small that patrons line outside and around the block to get something to eat.
Simply put, there’s a limited amount of space and instead of expanding beyond the borders they keep squeezing more and more within the city limits.
3. Drivers!
The drivers are in two categories. Bad and slow. We have these one group of drivers who are so slow and so cautious that you get nowhere fast. These people are really annoying, so annoying. You just want to kill them. This group always drive below the speed limit which is already too low to begin with. They love to suddenly turn without signalling and they are so fearful of the buses, they never pass them. Even when from a different lane. These inept idiots are more dangerous because they breed;
The bad drivers. I’m not one of them as I have the Patience to deal with them I’ve lived in Quebec most of my life. These bad drivers are the opposite to the slow, taking chances, speeding and usually getting into an accident which then causes traffic since the f**king cops have only one solution to an accident out here: Shut down everything and don’t let anyone move. The bad drivers are also the type of person to race down a street and swerve to avoid manholes to protect their precious vehicle. I swear on my mother’s grave I have seen people do that. Quebec drivers may be the worst in the world in my opinion, but at least they understand the road and their responsibility. Hence they are less dangerous.
4. Traffic lights & pedestrians.
In my defence I’d like to state I don’t hate pedestrians. I hate pedestrians who are disrespectful to drivers, thinking they are special simply because they are walking about. Same goes with drivers who think they better than those “people milling about” on the street. My beef with the city of Vancouver is not about hating pedestrians, it’s how much extra love and attention they are given.
As Quebec is the only place in the free world where you can’t turn right on a red, I understand the lure of this feature. I think it’s a nice feature to have in a light system of a greater metropolitan area. Provided drivers are careful and go only when they can do so safely. But at the same time I can’t tell you how many jerks have cut me off with this provision to the traffic code of conduct.
But as faulty as Quebec may be, she at least allows drivers such an important traffic light that Vancouver has been ignoring 9 intersections out of 10. The left turn light, ladies and gentlemen! I couldn’t believe it when I arrived and this little tidbit was pointed out to me. No protected left turn? Are the city fathers of Vancouver trying to get us killed?
Basically it is up to the driver to guess when they can go. Oncoming traffic sure as hell ain’t gonna let them in. So what do we do? Hope the road clears or wait for the yellow light at which time 2 to 3 cars rush through the intersection. Very risky and very dangerous. If Vancouver wants to be civilized with the rest of the world, they need to fix this.
Amongst all these light problems, there is another. It seems every 3rd intersection is a flashing green light. In Quebec that means you can do a left hand turn. Here it means any jack on the street can halt all traffic to suit his needs to cross. This silly little concept is stupid for two reasons.
a) Those driving up to the intersection from a side street can’t go unless a pedestrian hits the light or they find space within the flowing traffic. Really stupid. I can’t see why anyone would want a 1-way intersection. I’ve been cut off a couple times from poor people who come out when they shouldn’t have. I don’t blame them though, since I’ve been on the wrong side of that type of intersection myself.
b) Can you imagine the thought that any idiot on the street has the power to screw with the traffic flow? It’s so stupid. There have been so many times I was late for something because everyone kept stopping all traffic for them. It’s infuriating and the councilman who came up with this idea should be shot.
Now I’m all for pedestrian rights. I have no problem with letting someone cross the street or go from one corner to the next. But the system seems based on making their every step so easy that they are spoiled and rude.
In Montreal pedestrians are another class of a**hole because they have no sense of the light. They go when they want to regardless. At least out here some try to have decorum. But we have a problem. Most pedestrians get to go only when the traffic does. Which means we have people crossing the street and fighting with a car which wishes to make a turn. This also puts some pressure on the left hand turn guys since they don’t even have a light to begin with.
Sure the red hand signal eventually flashes, but none of the pedestrians care. They keep going and so that makes everything a big mess. Easy solution to this problem of course. Not that anyone here would have thought of it. Give the pedestrians their own time to cross in the cycle. Easy! Problem solved!
But that would be too simple an idea huh? They need to make things needlessly complicated here. And so I’m leaving with only a single regret, the Montreal winter which awaits me.
I bid adieu,
your Origami reporter,
L.Manly
Stumble it! View blog reactions
Topics: Uncategorized |
One Response to “SimCity, British Columbia”
Comments
You must be logged in to post a comment.
November 10th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
You know how I feel about your complaints on pedestrians and you always sound like you should have to walk for a year to really understand what it’s like to battle a car that can kill you just so you can cross a street. I don’t believe you have respect for pedestrians because you keep calling them “idiots” just for wanting to cross a street. On top of that, remember that you are polluting the environment with your car and consuming fuel and resources just so you can sit on your hiney and push a pedal with your foot, while pedestrians are NOT consuming precious resources or polluting the environment. The fact that they walk means they are dependent on their legs and personal energy, which varies with each individual. I have seen punks in cars honk at old folks because they’re not walking fast enough for little Mr Pansy On His Ass who just has to push a gay little pedal to go from here to there. If you had to walk everywhere, you’d want to be able to push a button to make it safe to cross, too. And New York City does not allow turning in either direction on a red light. Plus they don’t hae any provisions for pedestrians. Pedestrians are at the mercy of people in cars and for one reason you seem to have forgotten completely: your car can be used as a lethal weapon. Your car can take lives of innocent people. Pedestrians can not kill you simply by walking across a street, but still you bitch and moan because you had to wait an extra MINUTE out of your life for them to pass in front of you. We are truly a lazy society with a sense of entitlement that goes beyond acting in the least humane way. Instead of thinking about how you can help people, you just want them out of your way so you can do what you want or need to do. Well ever think that pedestrians want the same thing? But they aren’t in a giant metal cocoon from inside which they can cuss and mutter or honk or just plain ram into people. Which HAS happened. There may be pedestrians who jaywalk, but thinking about how ridiculously easy it is for you to get from Point A to Point B should ease a little of your agony at the injustice of having to put up with other humans who are at a disadvantage to you to begin with.